


Without You

by WeaglesAndBrobeans



Category: Him Series - Sarina Bowen & Elle Kennedy
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I had to okay, M/M, a tender sad one shot, team bus crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:54:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29050974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeaglesAndBrobeans/pseuds/WeaglesAndBrobeans
Summary: The world tilted sharply and my mind fuzzed with anguish. It took me a moment to tune back in to what was being said.Charter bus. Accident. Team. Hospital. It blurred together, but the point was made.
Kudos: 3





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> TW: this story involves a hockey team's bus being hit
> 
> no character deaths though

It’s not often a member of the PR team ventures into the locker room during pregame, but there are a few exceptions – the most common being a WAG going into labor. When the team rep, Kirk Hummel, rushed in tonight, everyone assumed that Donny’s very pregnant wife had called it in. Surprise mixed with dread as Kirk threw a tense smile and a “not yet Dee” Donny’s way before heading towards me.

“Kirk?” I questioned, sitting up straight from where I had been untying my dress shoes. The man hesitated which clogged my throat with worry.

“Ryan, there’s been accident.”

I could feel the weight of my team’s gaze on me as I asked if it was my parents.

“It’s Jamie.”

The world tilted sharply and my mind fuzzed with anguish. It took me a moment to tune back in to what was being said.

Charter bus. Accident. Team. Hospital. It blurred together, but the point was made.

“Is he?” I gasped out, hands beginning to tremble.

Kirk had crouched in front of my stall by this point, a gentle grounding hand on my wrist as he spoke quietly – an attempt to keep this conversation somewhat private.

“From what I understand he came away relatively unscathed. He wants you to drive up after the game.”

“Fuck that,” I growled.

Kirk didn’t protest though, just nodded before patting my knee and standing back up. “I’ll draw up an announcement, scratched due to personal emergency. Coach will agree.”

I couldn’t find my voice so I nodded before bending back down to retie my shoes, thankful I hadn’t gotten very far into dressing for the game. Sucking in a breath I willed my hands to settle enough to do the task before grabbing my keys and wallet and shrugging into my coat.

Before I’d reached the door a hand grabbed my bicep. Turning I found myself face to face with my captain, Antoni Garoppolo. “G?” I questioned.

“I’m sure management could send someone to take your roommate home,” he offered softly. “You shouldn’t have to miss a game just because you’re his emergency contact.”

My mind swirled with fear and unrest, but it flared with indignance at the suggestion. I took a shaky breath reminding myself that G doesn’t know Jamie is my everything. To G, Jamie is just a hockey buddy from childhood sharing my apartment.

“He’s not,” I stuttered. “He’s more.”

This _really_ wasn’t the time, but G must have caught my tone, or the sickly pallor of my face, or the anguish in my eyes.

“ _Oh,”_ G marveled. “I didn’t… I didn’t know man. You, you gotta go. Don’t worry about us tonight. Go get your boy.”

For the second time that evening my world tilted. But there was no time to dwell on my captain picking up on things so astutely. He was right. I had to go.

After 45 minutes of dreadful traffic and mounting anxiety I pulled into the parking garage at Mississauga Hospital.

I sent Jamie a text - “Where are you?” before rushing towards the Emergency Room entrance. Surely that’s where the team was transported to. The thought felt like a sucker punch. A whole fucking hockey team in the ER. Fuck.

My heart raced as the sliding doors parted before me. I didn’t have to search long to see a ragtag group of young men in matching black jackets scattered on the far side of the room.

Eyes darting over the group, my breath caught at the sight of Jamie.

The broad shouldered goaltender was standing in a cluster of coaches, eyes somber as he nodded along to what was being said. When his eyes caught mine the shock that swept through him was visible. In a few short strides an armful of Jamie burrowed into me, chin ducking into my neck as he clung to me like a lifeline.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he muttered into my jaw.

Backing up, I held my boyfriend at arm’s length to look him over. An abrasion sat red across his cheekbone and his arm hung in a sling, but aside from that he seemed relatively okay. Tension began to drain out of me. “In what world would I have played that game after hearing you were hurt Jamie?”

It wasn’t until this moment that I noticed the shaking. His huge frame trembled as his eyes filled with love and grief simultaneously.

“Why don’t we sit for a moment?” I offered, guiding the Californian to a nearby bench. I dodged the chairs because I didn’t want an armrest between us right now. I didn’t want anything between us right now. Though physically bigger than me, Jamie managed to burrow against my side and just breathe for a moment. I carded my hand through his sandy blond hair, anything to try and soothe him.

Slowly his trembling settled and his breathing slowed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I murmured into his hair.

For a moment Jamie just breathed, but then the words came.

“Nobody saw it coming,” he whispered. “We were just thrown as something hit the bus and it tipped. My shoulder um. I think it hit the back of a seat, but it dislocated. But all I could think about was the boys. Making sure they were okay. And most of them have been discharged. They’re um. They’re just a bit banged up. Mostly. But. Jaeger. He,” Jamie paused. His breath had picked up pace and his voice had gone stilted towards the end.

“Jaeger is your starting goalie yeah?” I asked softly. He gave a nod and then swallowed before carrying on.

“Jaeger’s a freak. Like, he’s a goalie so no surprise, but he um. He always finds weird places to sleep. Trains and buses he always climbs into the storage shelving. Likes it better than the upright chairs. He was um. He was in the back of the bus in the storage area when we crashed. It’s, um. The doctor is worried about his spine and,” a quiet sob escaped Jamie’s lips and my heart lurched for him.

“Oh Jamie, I’m so sorry.”

I brushed a tear off his cheek with a thumb and kissed his cheek bone, careful to avoid the red scrape stretched there.

A few hours later only two of the team’s players remained in the hospital. Most had various injuries cared for and some departed on crutches or in a sling like poor Jamie. The coaches had worked with management to arrange a hotel so they could deal with reaching home tomorrow. Today had been too traumatic, too draining to attempt the final stretch back to Toronto.

When the head coach asked if anyone wanted to stay with one of the two boys Jamie jumped all over it.

“I’ll stay with Turtle,” he offered hastily. His boss looked him over before nodding in consent.

I’m not going to lie; it was a little awkward joining Jamie in the hospital room of one of his players. The kid was so young, laying prone in the mechanical bed with his neck stiff in a brace. The petite brunette looked so vulnerable and it felt wrong standing over him as a stranger.

But nothing was going to force me away from Jamie right now. My heart still twisted every time I thought about what could have happened, about what did happen. I traced my fingers up his spine and grasped the back of his neck. Maybe I was grounding Jamie. Maybe I was grounding myself.

As the night wore on exhaustion crept over Jamie. I urged him to tip over into my lap and rest for a bit. After a moment of hesitation and a glance towards the kid, he yawned widely and conceded.

Which is how I ended up with my hands carding through his thick hair humming quietly when the kid awoke.

“Ryan Wesley? What the fuck?” a soft voice inquired. My eyes snapped up to find the kid, Jaeger, with his eyes peering over at me. I startled, but Jamie slept through it. I shouldn’t be surprised that the kid knew me. He played minors in Toronto and I was the NHL team’s recent number one pick. Most people in Toronto knew who I was. That’s just a hockey town for you.

“You’re not going to ask what happened?” I asked before glancing back down at Jamie and adding, “I’m um. I’m coach Canning’s. His,” I floundered. I was obviously more than his roommate.

“Boyfriend?” Jaeger supplied nonplussed.

Heat flooded my cheeks. “Yeah. That.”

The kid’s eyes narrowed, like he was sizing me up. For some reason my heart pounded, wanting the approval of Jamie’s star goalie. After a moment he gave a restricted nod, chin bumping the neck brace, and grinned.

“I knew it. Nobody has their roommate as their lock screen.”

I couldn’t help but snort at the comment. Before I could chirp back though, Jaeger’s expression fell.

“So,” he started, voice hesitant. “How bad is it?”

The weight of the question felt heavy on my shoulders. This kid was just like him- lived and breathed hockey. The thought of it being stripped away? He couldn’t imagine.

“Let’s call in the doc maybe and let him share,” I suggested, trying to reach for the call button without displacing Jamie from my lap.

“I will say this though,” I added. “You got really lucky and I’m glad you’re awake and talking to me right now. That’s probably a great sign.”

While it felt obvious that the kid’s name isn’t Turtle, I found that it isn’t just Jaeger. His name is Brandon Jaeger.

Brandon suffered blunt force trauma to his lumbar, but nothing broke and no paralysis was detected. He’d make a full recovery by the start of next season. I wasn’t going to admit to the tears in my eyes, much less comment on those falling from Brandon’s.

The following afternoon, the nurse gave Brandon a pair of nondescript grey sweats and Jamie and I bundled him into a wheelchair to maneuver him into my car.

The rest of the team had departed that morning in a rented bus, but we’d offered to stick with Brandon through checkout. The last thing he deserved was to sort out an Uber for himself.

By the time we’d made it home we were both dead on our feet. But as much as I wanted to collapse into bed and sleep for a day straight, something gave me pause. Standing at the end of the bed looking down at Jamie, my heart clenched. His hair looked soft and tousled and his whole body seemed to melt into the bed, fully relaxed since I first found him in the Emergency Room lobby. A fire lit in my stomach and I felt an overwhelming need to be as near as possible to this man I’ve come to love so much. Crawling up onto the bed I pressed in as near as I could, nuzzling against his jawline.

The fire burned hotter and soon I found myself pressing urgent kissed along his jawline and the thick column of his neck. Grinding against his leg as I ravished Jamie with intense affection. His uninjured hand reached up to grasp my hair at the nape of my neck, pressing back toward me in turn.

I can’t remember the last time I felt such a desperate need to be so near to someone. I wanted to crawl into his chest and stay there. I never wanted to leave and I never wanted to lose him. The thought came out of nowhere, sucker punching me in the gut. Before I knew it tears were streaming down my face and I choked on a sob.

Jamie stilled. I kept kissing feverishly through the tears.

“Ryan. Ryan babe stop,” Jamie requested.

I pulled back and collapsed face down onto the mattress, shaking with sobs. Vaguely, I was aware of Jamie rubbing my back and whispering calming assurances. And I don’t know how long it took me to settle, but when I finally sat up and rubbed harshly at my wet cheeks, Jamie was sat up as well, eyes wide and warm with concern.

“Ryan what just happened?”

I swallowed thickly and looked down at my hands. I feared if I looked him in the eyes I’d break apart all over again.

“When they told me,” I paused, sucking in a shaky breath. “When they said your team had an accident I thought my life was over. I thought. I was so fucking scared Jamie. I don’t want to live without you in my life. I don’t think I _can_ live without you in my life.”

Jamie reached up and traced a finger softly down the side of my face. “I get that. I feel that way about you too, babe.”

He leaned in slowly and pressed the gentlest kiss to my bottom lip. Eyes tracing mine, he leant in and kissed me again more firmly this time, more insistent.

Making love with Jamie has always been a range of things for me. It was fucking hot. And it was sexy. And it was assuring. It made me feel seen and rooted. But it had never been so tender and desperate and full of fear as it was right now. I felt the urgency surge through me again and Jamie matched my intensity in turn.

Later that afternoon as we lay curled around each other a thought popped into my mind.

“Oh shit,” I breathed out.

Propping his head up on his good arm, Jamie looked down at me, eyebrows raised. “Well?” he prompted.

“I just realized I accidentally outed us to my captain last night.”


End file.
